Let’s say you have a very nice pipe that smokes beautifully and feels perfect. It would be advisable to not smoke it and handle it while a friend helps you move antique chests from the basement to the rooms on the second floor. It would also be advisable to not then proceed to take it outside while re-lighting to go gather things from a vehicle at the top of your driveway. Getting distracted by your friend when you set it down to reach for the object you went out for is also a bad idea. If you do these things anyway, don’t forget the nice, spendy, piece of birds-eye briar you had just set on a stone bench. If you do all of these things, the pipe will sit outside for the end of a fall, duration of a winter, and most of the spring.
Life will suck as you scramble to find your beloved burner of England’s finest tobaccos for months on end. When you find it in the spring, the beautiful wood will be sun-washed, stem almost certainly ruined, and bit extruded by the pressure of the newly moistened wood. Your only hope will be that the pipe dries with no cracking and is once again able to be packed with a smooth, buttery oriental tobacco blend. Sitting down will be out of the question for the rest of the day from the sore hindquarters caused by constantly kicking yourself in the ass.
You will find no solace in the embrace of your wife, she will laugh at you.
She is still beautiful to me; especially when grouped with a worn Chief’s Special, well used and slightly tarnished Buck 55, old pocket watch, and my Grandfather’s old well-used slim dress up Zippo. A true gentleman’s kit. I am not worthy.
P.S. No, I am not a heathen, I light my pipes with matches. I just always have a Zippo on hand. Hmm. I should start posting that collection.