I have a noticed a few internet arguments that annoy me. Allow me to vent:
- “I’m broke and looking at a single-shot shotgun as my first shotgun, will it defend my home?” “NOOOO!!!11!111 Get at LEAST a double-barrel!!!!!” Yes, a single can, and has, for many years, defended a home. The responders overlook the fact that doubles tend to go for $250-300 on the cheap end. The guy could get a single-barrel for $50-95 and spend the difference on ammo, clay, a hand-held clay thrower, and be practiced by the time the other guy had paid for his coach gun.
- Referencing bolt-action shotguns as boat anchors while telling others not to buy them because they are clunky. Yup, no one thinks they fit right, they don’t work as designed, in fact, satan designed them, they don’t throw that same damned shot charges from the same shells as pumps, and everyone has the same exact shotgun fit as the “expert” who answers, so they really really need an 870.
- “You can’t tactical reload a Garand, for the love of God Montressor!!!!!” Yet no one whines about the fact that revolvers are in the exact same boat with the tactical reload. Somehow retract bolt, push release latch, reload is a problem, but open cylinder, dump unfired ammo into hand, eject empties, and reload, isn’t a problem. Some consistency lacking here.
- “The Beretta locking blocks crack, replace, replace, replace!!!!!” Yup, and your slide-stops shear, go check your own damn equipment.
- “I don’t carry a reload, because if I can’t get it done in X-rounds, my time has come. Besides, are you planning on a gunfight with the crips? Silly kid.” I do carry a reload, because if the first X-shots don’t get the job done, I don’t want to die yet. Not dying is why I have the sidearm in the first place. No, I don’t plan on a drawn out gun battle, but I would like to be better prepared for one should it come. Mags fail, semi-autos jam, I like having some insurance. Fatalism and defeatism may be fine for you, but don’t question my motives as being inferior or cocky.
- “The kukri is a magical killing talisman, and i can behead the zombies 16 different ways with one in the appocalypse and then make a lean-to and prepare dinner with it.” The kukri is a great piece of steel, too bad you don’t actually carry it. This type normally doesn’t even make a habit of carying any knife. The blade you don’t have on you when you need it less useful than Captain Feathersword’s feather sword against a pissed off oak tree.
- “The maglight is sooooo underpowered and last week, get a stream-stinger-beam-me-up-scotty for double the price.” Uh huh, and the doubly expensive light won’t do any better to find the marshmallow fluff in the cabinet when the lights go out. It will usually take more expensive batteries to boot.
- “I’m thinking about an M1 Carbine for home defense.” “Noooooo!!!! Get an AR, the carbine is outdated and not as accurate!!!!!!!!!!” Plainfield carbine copy: $300 A few spare 15-round mags: $50 A can of 500 rounds of 30 carbine: $280 For less than $700 dollars, you can have a carbine and be familiar and loaded with it by the time you could put money down on an entry-level AR that you don’t even have yet. Hmmmmm…
- “The AR-15 is God’s gift to man…Once you strap on a collapsable stock, get a forend with rails, aftermarket sighting systems, an upper that comfortably takes the new sighting systems, the right mags, and a short carbine barrel.” Yup the greatest thing since raw grain… once you process it, grind it, mix it with yeast and water, let it rise, bake it, and slice it.
- “Open carry let’s you carry a full-size pistol with ease and comfort. My GLOCK 23 rides great in my new SERPA, have fun with your dinky P-11, sucker” Did we forget the fact that the model 23 is a compact?
- “I’d rather shoot six shots well from my turntable gun than spray an orphanage with misses from a SIG.” And I would rather shoot 16 well from a SIG than dump six misses out of a revolver. What’s your point?
- “Smith & Wesson ruined the beautiful model 10 with a heavy barrel and those awful and ugly Unkle Mike’s rubber grips. Those stupid bastards, what a dumb mistake. By the way, look at mine with its custom wood.” The heavy barrel reduces the already negligible recoil. The rubbers absorb what little is left and don’t ding dent and chip. Yup the assholes, reducing recoil to an even more pleasant level, and putting practical grips on a working gun. They should have stuck to the old round-butt wood panels and the thin barrel so that the beginning shooter deals with more recoil than necessary, and has to go buy aftermarket grips or adaptors anyway. More than a few people seem to appreciate the balance of a heavy barrel, but I guess that we are just heathens and should repent our sins.
- “Should I get a Case or a Buck knife?” “Case is over-priced, and Buck sold out to the Chinese, get a Benchmade with one-hand-assisted-flippedy-do-dah.” Nevermind the fact that the Benchmade is just as expensive as a Case. Never mind the fact that he doesn’t want one. Never mind the fact that a Case knife is a well-crafted high-quality blade. And certainly never mind the fact that you can still buy an American Buck, or that the commie made ones are just as nice a quality.
- “I am looking at a 30-30. Should I go Marlin or Winchester?” “Winnies suck, get a Marlin, a way stronger closed-top receiver!!!!!!!” True, if you plan on rechambering to something more potent than 30 WCF. The Winchester is strong enough for its intended cartridge. Get the one that you like and fits you the best, neither will wear out with care.
- “Zippo lighters are over-priced, antiquated, and you have to refill with messy naptha, get a spiffy butane unit, or a bic, instead.” Zippos are guaranteed for the rest of eternity. Lid popped off during Ragnarok, and you don’t have the receipt? Send it in, they’ll fix it. Butane lighters suck in the cold of the frozen northern wastelands. Naptha is cheaper than butane. Bics don’t even think about lighting in a stiff-ish breeze. Yup, twenty-odd bucks for a product guaranteed until the human race is extinct, what a rip-off.
- “The 16 gauge is an obsolescent anomaly that should just be allowed to die. With 3″ 20 gauges and light 12s, it serves no more purpose.” So all of the people who don’t care for the thump and heft of a twelve and want more punch with a shorter shot-string than a 20 guage are a figment of my imagination? Or those, like me, who suck with a 20 and can’t hit the broad side of a barn with one, but don’t care for twelve bores, should just suck it up?
More to come later. Feel free to add to the list or dispute.